you guys were way drunker than both of me
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
