he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
