Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
