Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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