thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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