I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
