Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I said "one day" and that day is not today
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize