Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize