I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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