New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
