so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
