I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
