Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I think a kid would responsible me up
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
