Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize