Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
