I'm going to jail i love you
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
