i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
