using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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