I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
