can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
