Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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