I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
