I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You can't just leave with hair like that
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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