Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
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Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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