OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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