i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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