Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
