i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize