All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
