did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
