Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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