so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
