Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
