How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
