What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
