wanna go halves on a baby?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?