i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
