btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.