U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?