4 words: hood of his car
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
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I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
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It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
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Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.