I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.