Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye