I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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