Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm just crazy horny about you
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Randomize
