this beer tastes like vomit already
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
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dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
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You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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