I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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