This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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