Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He shit in the fireplace
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