and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
