he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
