ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
