Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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