remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
