How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
