Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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