We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
