bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
