u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
