Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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