I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
