Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
