he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
