I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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