Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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