Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
