Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
