bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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