I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
