i just wanna soil my oats bro
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
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Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
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Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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