The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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