dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
