Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
