I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
