I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
no you cant smoke seaweed
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
