Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
