Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
