walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
