Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
