if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
