Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
