I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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