Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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