i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
