How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
