what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We are all done wearing pants today
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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