You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
