if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
