So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
