I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
