he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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