I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
