I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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