Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize